Food for Thought: Love

The thing about being with somebody, is that there are a lot of things you have to do. I'm not talking about things like going out on a date, making presents and stuff. I'm thinking more along the lines of psychosocial kind of things to do.

You have to:

1. understand yourself and him in terms of personality, strengths and weaknesses,

2. learn each other's communication pattern,

3. be supportive (not blindly) and sensitive to each other,

4. accommodate and compromise in schedule and lifestyle, instead of insisting in your own ways,

5. to be the one for him yet not compromising on being yourself.

And in the process, we learn to love and be loved. Its a learning process that we both grow and develop together. Regardless of whether we grow closer, or apart from each other.

Having gone through several unhappy moments recently, I've thought about things over and over again.

1. Certain characteristics are unknown before you get together.

Humans are such complex creatures that one can never full understand. Some people are more consistent within themselves, and across settings. Some people can be very versatile and dynamic, and ever changing.

Maybe you don't know the person well enough prior to getting together. Probably because you haven't seen that side of each other before, you won't know that s/he had that certain characteristic.

2. Certain problems don't exist before you get together.

When 2 individuals are just friends, there are minimal expectations of each other. It is not expected of you to compromise/adapt to each other's weaknesses. And maybe simply because 2 are not together, you're more chill about each other's weaknesses. You don't have to live with it.

But it's a different story when 2 gets together. It becomes something that bothers you because you care, or because its part of the person you love and so now it affects you more than before. You have to start thinking about whether it is something that you can accept.

3. When a couple faces problems, you don't just breakup immediately.

I was asked why I still choose to be together with him since he had some characteristics that I had serious problems with. For one, I didn't know about certain traits before we got together and I don't give up just because issues appear. I want to try to work things out first. Two, I can't possibly deny his strengths just because of some things that can be and he wants to work out. Three, I want to be there for you when you face the biggest problem that you have.

If he didn't give up on the relationship because of the times that I've hurt him with my words and actions, I don't see why I should give up on us so easily too.

I'm a believer of confronting fears to resolve them, instead of avoidance and ignorance. Avoidance doesn't mean that the problem is not there, and there will bound to be times that you encounter them again. As the saying goes, 躲得了一时,躲不了一世. It is only when you face your fears that you learn how to deal with them, to be a stronger and more resilient person.

The thing is, You really make me feel blissful to have you around. Even with the tears, I still feel that having you is the best thing that can ever happen. Nobody is perfect dear, we learn to be the one for each other. We'll learn to overcome our weaknesses and fears together.