16/12/03
today suddenly had a strange feeling towards wat jiemin say.. abt things changing n frens... I haf to admit... n for those whu noe me quite well.. from last time till now... even within this one year, tat I have changed a lot. even jiemin also say, from a small girl girl whu dreads to grow up, to the me now whu is trying had to adapt to new surroundings...
i was forced to... coz i haf to learn to be independent... surviving in the environment without the jie meis... n learning to be more sensible n thinking in a more mature manner...perhaps sum ppl will say tat im still acting as a xiao mei mei.. but trust me.. i worse off last time... 1 year ago...
too many things happen during this one year le... really too many.. cant remember we spent how many nites crying within this year.. over so many so many things... how many days we spent trying to think of ways n solutions to solve certain problems...
no matter how hard we tried.. we still face the same problems.. back to square one n all sorts of rubbish... i guess this is wat everybody face... n i guess this is wat they meant by life... without this.. life will be meaningless...
if only time can reverse... i will wan to do alot of things.. but if time can reverse.. perhaps i still wan things to turn out this way.. but whu noes...
felt so lost n sad today... juz out of a sudden... cant believe it.. today actually went back to school juz to hand up my gp homework.. tats so chao lame... then on the way to sch.. the bus driver so te ne ne de.. drive until i whole body uncomfortable... until now still like tat... slept for awhile juz now le.. but still the same... suppose to go gai gai with woonting after handing up homework.. but in the end... she got urgent things to settle then neva go...
on the way home.. was thinking of so many things.. n juz felt tat alot of things in life.. we cant control... sumthings we wan to do... but due to certain circumstances.. we cant... juz like when u love sumbody.. but u scared will affect
was thinking about wat happened during this past one year, n was thinking about wat will possibly happen in the next one year... will things be very different? haiz... i noe.. i shudnt look back or even dwell in the past...but then... if i dun.. it wun be me le rite...
17/12/03
today posting results come out... juz heard from bao bei tat she got into mj... happy for her... but got this not very good feeling over it... as though something going to happen to her... touch wood la... hope everything goes well for everybody... sup test coming soon le.. but i still no mood to study.. die die... nxt week going ber's house to stay.. then pia everything there.. better finish all...
went out with jiemin juz now.. went do sum SIA testing stuff... then play com games... quite cool eh... but told jiemin tat got people to miss is xing fu de... n if tat person miss u back.. then its even more xing fu de... haha.. the 2 of them.. so funny... haha... these few days they kena suan-ed by me... quite jialat liao... haha... but its true u noe... got people to miss is xing fu de... goes to show tat at least ur world is not empty...
sad again today le.... come n think about it.. this whole year.. i sad the whole year eh.. how can i stay so sad for so long? cant believe it.. i used to smile n laugh the whole life de.. but now... like nothing to be happy about le... haiz... fan-ning about whether to join
18/12/03
i suddenly wanted to say... i miss yan dao... very long neva see him le... n my 'blur di'.. only one whu will call me 'cute jie' so xcitedly online.. haha... i miss so many people.. huiting gone genting le... very long neva see xiao di... n so many so many people... haiz...
suddenly felt like sitting swing eh... but then...look at the time.. how to go.. its so late le.. haiz...
19/12/03
today.. 19th dec... by rite, i shudnt be here at this point of time... one month ago, i bought the vj band concert ticket.. to go for the concert... 10 days ago, i told jiemin n yanqing tat i dun feel like going to the concert (sorry xiao di, sorry qinhong).. juz when i was about to take out the ticket n look at it few days ago to decide if i shud go, it so happen that i realised i lost the ticket... i guess this indicates tat i neednt to go... i dind tell qinhong, whom i bought the ticket from... but when i told xiao di.. he sounded quite disappointed... cant guess how qinhong will react.. coz he's a weird guy... the concert shud have started le ba.... good luck to them... orh ya.. n i forgot to wish jianwei good luck also... ya.. good luck jian wei! i feel so guilty... how? though its not my fault tat i lost the ticket.. but i was the one whu dind wanted to go in the first place... n yanqing have to attend the concert alone bcoz of this... haiz... guilty-stricken...
20/12/03
after yday nite, after a 9-hr sleep... i think i found the answer le. yes.. he dun like me... i proved the others wrong... perhaps wat he did looks like it, but i think shud be juz concern as a fren ba... nothing more than tat. or at least i hope, coz i dun wish to lose a good fren like him. about me, i guess i dun like him either, its juz purely returning him the favour. afterall, he really showed a lot of concern. so i guess i shud reciprocate his concern rite... tat would be very mean if i dun.. n as alot of people noe.. i wun do tat.. or at least i dun haf the heart to do tat... coz he's my good fren... so.. actually... huining they all guess wrong le.. n fortunately... huili got it rite... n im quite happy about it... felt relieved, very relieved... at least i managed to maintain our frenship...
good start.. for now.. i juz have to restart my life... after so many things tat happened, i do not wish to continue living like tat... all i wan to do, is to start living all over again, trying to find the real me... i dun wish to retrieve the 'old' me.. coz i wun be the same anymore.. though sec 2 year is so happy... i got wish to get back the happy part... from now onwards, i shall live with happiness n hope... with all my smiles back with me.. or at least... bit by bit.. cant expect me to suddenly get back with it rite... so..
oh my god, i cant believe it.. y is my life hovering around history everyday? i dun seem to have a life... history, history n only history.. i so feel like killing my stupid history lecturer.. the only idiot tat gave to many homework as though we got nothing else better to do... n wats more.. we cant choose... we cant do anything about it.. we have to do it n complete it before he starts screaming n scolding u in front of the class...
n he probably thinks tat we dun give a damn about him.. oh yar rite.. i mean.. whu will... he juz looks like any ordinary gay tat is so superbly sissified.. come on la.. we got so many thing else to do better than doing his stupid history lo... 8 history essays to memorise... 15 history topics to research on... n 3 source-based tutorials to complete b4 the stupid school term starts... oh my god, we dun have all the time in the world lo...i rather spend the time on econs tat is so much more better than history lo.. ok la.. muz admit.. history is fun to study la.. but look at this.. we think he's over-doing it lo... maybe he dun think so.. coz he's a history freak whu only noe how to bootlick the principal la hor...
n now wat.. he assured me tat he's not going to make it easy for me then next year... maybe not only me la.. he probably only not going to make things difficult for luke.. his favourite history pet from the other class... he hates us lo... me, angeline, jeanali, n huili... he got something against girls is it? y only the girls? n not only this la.. obviously... i dunno about other people coz they neva come n tell me la... but i noe our class already considered the not bad only liao... other classes even worse.. he probably hates the whole of arts fac.. which is he the HOD of... oh wat... he's so irritating....
21/12/03
decided to join the COL 04 committee le... maybe hweemin can allocate a lighter job for me... n hopefully everything turn out well la.. so tat i can manage my time better for my studies... afterall, i doing my 'A's next year leh.. have to study hard... this weekend got interview... hopefully can do well for tat... but even if cant.. even better,,, then i might as well study for my exams...
received a greeting email from chia hong... ths an animated x'mas card.. quite cute.. can say... juz realised tat our committee for ocip quite slack... with chia hong around... u seldom have proper meetings.. coz we will be arguing all over... at the end of the day, things done, but only bcoz fabian will volunteer to get things done at home... n not like someone... mentioning this... i juz realised tat me n fabian dying soon... coz we haven hand in result slip to ms wee yet... n me.. still got one more map (the area tat we have to cover for our cip project nxt year) to hand up... oops... sorry guys... landed u all in trouble.. but probably only me will get a minor scolding from her la.. afterall... u all noe ms wee la... she quite lax de.. hehe
23/12/03
kao.. these few days fell sick... n yesterday was the worse... sick until i dunno wats happening around me... n wats worse.. went orchard area yday to do econs discussion, then they decided to go gai gai... too many people le.. until i luan... almost fainted in the mrt train.. coz i stand for too long le.. was beginning to feel giddy then...but luckily juz at tat moment, sumbody stood up n left the train.. there i am with a seat.. phew... but luckily, yday trip out wasnt wasted.. coz i managed to clear alot of people's christmas presents.. all the gers' presents are done.. only left with the guys.. headache la.. guys presents sure hard to get sia... gai whole day also dunno wat to get for them...signz...
all thanx to the stupid weather, so many people falling sick also... bad news, ah ber's father was hospitalised...he had tumour... quite sad noe... this reminds me of my aunt who died n cancer... n uts was her death tat made me decided to join red cross in sec 1... i still remember the day she passed away was the 3rd day of sec 1 school reopen... i was so chao sad de... coz she was the one tat doted on me the most... n i really like her alot de.. even until now... i guess most of u except my squadmates wudnt have known this sad little story behind my motive to join red cross ba... tmr is her death anniversary eh... chao sad de...
went to cut my hair on sunday... finally went to cut it.. after asking so many people for opinion which majority say i shudnt... supposed to go ah ber house n stay today... till tmr...or even for whole of this week... but then his father discharging from the hospital today... so eventually.. i dind la.. this few days muz very diligently finish all my hmwk n study for sup test le.. if not sat onwards sure no time de... coz sat got COL 04 committee interview to assign post then got TKGRCY mass gathering in the evening... at nite still going ber house to stay... so weekend comfirm out liao.. die die.. muz pia finish all this week...
my elder sister helped me to spend my $30 taka voucher le.. coz i ask her to help me get the guys presents with tat.. coz i really dunno wat to get le.. n i guess she have her ways in getting presents for people.. afterall, wat are her boyfrens for? haha... think she facing some relationship problem now... shud be la.. coz she dun seem to be quite happy these few days... esp when it comes to relationship problem... but juz incase she come across this... da jie... me n jiemin n justin wan to ask u... have u liked stamford before? juz curious to noe la.. coz justin came n ask me tat day... the stress test day... then jiemin sort of curious n me interested to noe also.. hehe.. :p...
huiting is back from genting!!! n my sister going there soon... finally she's back... n obviously when she's back means the u-noe-whu also back le la... so... dun get too excited k.. i noe u all are.... me also actually... coz like very super long neva see him le... n 2 person suffering from L-sickness... signz... so funny... but.. ya.. i noe.. dun laugh too much coz when its my turn u all will laugh at me rite.. i juz knew tat u all wan to say... hehe...
wanted to go n look for huiting desperately de.. but coz need to rush school work ma.. so cant lo... i guess the earliest i can look for her is on her concert? when we go n play... signz... got things to give her n tell her de.. also wanted to get back my schoolbag from her fren...huiting.. i miss u!!! people muz be thinking i siao le rite... no la.. im juz totally miss her... n stupid kk... say SAT result out liao...
sick-ed sick-ed... but then... like as though i dun wan to live anymore like tat... eat so many things tat i shudnt... will kena scolding soon... but anyway... tat day dunno go where.. then i saw sumbody tat looked like karsten... then saw another sumbody tat looked like christopher.. am i possessed or sumthing? how come i keep seeing 1A01 people.. or strictly specking.. their look-alikes... muz be crazy.. or maybe i sick until i start hallucinating... perhaps so... im mad!!!
24/12/03
received email from da ge ge today... he sounded as thoughhe's not joining the committee.. another person less... but well.. though i told hwee min tat i wanted to join the com le.. but still seriously thinking over it... coz i dun wish to compromise my studies for CIP... moreover.. like wat huining say... enough CIP hours with bad result cant get me anywhere... so.. see how la.. when saturday comes then decide... but have to give hweemin rough time tat i will go down for the interview n selection of post... haiz...
but anyway.. suppose to spend the day today to do my homework.. but unfortunately... headache.. so neva do.. slept the whole day instead.. chao sian lo.. like tat... sup test coming le then i haven do correction summore... but i got rough idea of a perfect time plan le... today until 26th, which is only 1 day left.. will do all the corrections.. then 26th go for squad outing.. discuss stuff to settle on 27th.. then the big auspicious day the 27th, shall go for the mass gathering n maybe sneak out awhile to go for the interview... maybe only... 28th shall memorise all the corrections.. 29th go for concert.. then 30th go for sup test... n for the rest of the days... complete the 15 topics assignment plus econs homework... see.. my perfect plan... but of course muz follow this strictly to ensure tat i get all the things done la.. if not i'll be a peice of dead meat.. haha.. so people... if this few days neva see me... dun be surprise k... n wish me luck... merry christmas to all!
hey sumthing to add... was reading my sis's blog juz now... n realised a stupid jerk broke her heart... ok.. maybe i shudnt say tat cuz afterall, she is my sis's fren la... n guess wat, i wished him happy birthday yday after midnite when my sis called him... n he sounded like... "oh.. ok.. thanx" wah piang... i felt like sum idiot... stupid no. 23...(only jiemin noes about this 23 thingy, not tat he's her no 23 bf...but sumthing else).. sis say he wants to noe everything about u but yet wun let u noe anything about him... i guess its more or less true... coz i saw this in so many cases... not tat im siding the gers.. but ya... please... look at du feng: he wun let jeanali noe anything abt him except his stupid good frens in school like hao xiang, tan zi and i dunno whu else... look at no.23: not tat i hear it from my sis but i do notive this sumtimes when he is at my house too... look at fabian: he is concern enough to wan to share my problems but when i ask him wat happen to him... he say his problem not as big as mine.. not worth mentioning... oh wat rubbish.. (fabian: not trying to say anything here but juz listing example, dun get angry k)
i mean.. ya la... u are concerning
26/12/03
guess wat? i msg-ed hweemin today n told her i not going for the post interview le... so i gave up being in the COL 04 com... wanted to concentrate studying instead...
went out with ah ber, xiao jie, soo ling n fang tine today... can u believe it? we actually went all the way to jalan kayu n eat roti prata lo... 1 hr plus bus journey, sit there n eat for 25 minutes n walk off... so chao lame lo.. but tats wat we did... but we ate quite alot leh... eat until all of us suffering from negative marginal utility... dun tok to us about chocolate n prata for at least 1 month... esp me about chocolate... i HAD to FINISH the last one quarter of the chocolate prata tat is like so super filled with chocolate lo... at least abt 1 cm thick lo... n its like the super big peice ard la.. coz i eat the slowest to i had to finish the last peice la... if i noe the eat faster lo... then can push everything to sooling instead... n guess the next bo liao thing tat we did... went all the way to chua chu kang juz to get to kbox la... chao lame lo... then i go there n finish all the ice lemon tea.. cuz i refused to return the jar n waste the ice lemon tea... then we go eat thai food... basically the whole day we were eating n eating la... from 12 noon eat all the way until......... 8 plus 9? non-stop lo... n i really mean non-stop... n i think qinhong n chileong shud witness it... coz they always say i neva eat.. trying to go n diet... but im not! n i think today eat too much le.. until now got indigestion...
tmr got tkgrcy mass gathering.. n i think ts so going to be damn cool la... n we going ber house to stay after tat... we as in the 5 of us whu went out today la... n i muz finish all the 8 essay stuff at ber house until sunday... die also muz finish.. if not 30th sup test die ding liao.. so sleepy... i almost felt asleep in kbox juz now lo.. when i was keeping quiet... nt bcuz they sing until very sian... but cuz i eat too full le.. then very tired... then as usual... my squad stupid habit.. always tok about ghost story... n u all noe i very sensitive to cold de la.. but i feel abit the cold n empty behind me on the train lo... but i neva tell them... cuz stupid sooling n xiao jie whose screams are even the next train also can hear de.. will scream like mad la... so i better keep quiet... b4 the whole train look at us la...
actually not tat i will try la... cuz toking abt red cross de funny funny stuff the was luaghing until the next carriage also can hear le... so i better say.. malu-ated myself enough... k al.. today very tired le.. shall go n slepp... gd nite!
hey hey, im back... but dun really feel like coming back though, coz ber house really too fun n too relaxing liao..after leaving campsite we walked to her house, not really far but not near either... 10 plus 11 walking amist of some ulu pandan private houses... but luckily got 5 of us la... tok tok tok enough liao...came back quite late yday.. whole day slack at ber house... eat sleep watch tv... fangting wanted to play pool, cuz ber house de attic got a new pool table... but we too lazy to climb up to the attic though the stairs is juz behind us la... cuz we went up to the soundproof room to watch movie... though i went to her house few times to stay liao, but still quite amazed by her house... haiyo, hate to come back.. cuz i think time together with them really chao fun de... dun need to worry about anything, juz sit there, eat n do nothing... ok maybe perhaps sit there n tok...
today have to go mj concert, though i dun feel like going again... do i have sumthing against concerts or anything? how come i dun feel like going everytime? k fine.. have to.. promised alot of people liao... n i think kk is going to commend again tat i dun look good in skirts again... but i dun care... i dun wan to wear skirts in the first place.. but i have to... cuz as usual.. i promised sumeone tat i wud...
was discussing about going overseas n study at ber house... all the uni-s n all sorts... n i really feel like going.. cuz i realised tat singapore dun have happy memories for me... like tat time i told jiemin, was wud she do if i juz go overseas n dun tell anybody, as though i juz disappeared sumhow from this world... n she say its impossible tat noone wudnt noe.. cuz i wun be able to let go of so many things here n keep it a secret... n guess wat... i noe for sure, i can do tat... cuz if i go australia, i got ber there, n i will be able to adapt very fast, cuz im determined to... n i noe i muz, if i wan to forget those sad sad stuffs... oh ya.. forgot to say, ber dind managed to get in melbourne uni.. she missed by 2 percent... cuz this year they only accept 92% for dentistry n she got 90%... wat a waste.. so she get in to adelaide uni instead... n we decided to go over for holidays next year after our 'A's... the 5 of us go gold coast n have fun... so cool... n by tat time ber will have her driving license n we can drive ard the place... cool rite...but anyway, aiya, i juz want to get out of here la... anywhere also can.. juz wan to get out...
n i juz realised today tat xiao di's blog can link to qinhong's blog.. am i stupid or wat.. today then saw... but i neva go n explore... cuz i lazy to n later he angry i die.. so better not.. respect people's privacy k... but anyway, rite now im juz to obsess with the idea of going overseas n out of singapore, so i cant be bothered to care about other stuff now... i dun even think i wan to study in singapore after my 'A's... like wat yi chuan say, singapore education system sux... ah.. dun care...
30/12/03
hey hey, juz came back from the mj concert not long ago... it was ok la.. but i tot tk one was nicer... cuz in between the band part some idiots destroy the tune... but anyway, it was more of the company tat is important... suppose to Fantasy Sixers go together de... but siqing last min cannot make it.. so only left the few of us... then worse still huiting performing... but anyway, saw alot of tk people today.. took alot of photos also.. 4/9 photos... FS photo without huiting cuz she has to help out area cleaning... n FS photo with mabel... quite fun la... n the stupid kk... wanted to give him chocolate.. shout his name dun wan to respond.. then shout "lao pa" then he respond... stupid kk... but anyway... he very shuai today lo.. like chao got class de... n his hair look decent.. shuai bi le... oh ya.. n howard, yan leng n paulus look very shuai n smart too... n i saw edwin at the concert juz now.. my primary school fren from vs.. but now in tpjc... n hey.. he called out to me lo.. cuz he last time like chao dao one... then they (jessica, huiting, howard, paulus, yan leng, mabel, meiyan, jeanie, grace and i dunno whu else) went lao pa sat to eat supper.. but me, kaikhim n zhenhui neva follow... supoosed to but.. hehe... so the 3 of us took romantic walk back to the mrt station la... n toking about walking back... stupid kk n jiemin walk back together today... neva wait for me.. can be lightbulb...
few more hours later got sup test le... still not very prepared yet... haiz...
back from sup test! oh basically dun ask me how.. the french revolution question was ok.. cuz tat one i got study... though i forgot the content of the last paragraph so i left it blank... only remembered sumthing about the directory government... n the southeast asia question... oh.. it sux la... i neva meomorise the examples la.. so only got words n nothing else... no evidence no statistics... n wat funny thing we did.. cuz the teacher came late.. then me, alfred, beng hao n karsten was standing outside the class.. then imitating the sissified teacher scolding us... haha.. so funny... n karsten damn cute n funny lo... "oh i only slept at 3 plus yday"... come on la.. we all sleep chao early lo.. n he say neva study... ok.. believe tat.. cuz he chao short-cut person... oh... n there's 1 person... my ou xiang ah... eve, she sit beside beng hao.. write 1 para for qn 1, write half a page for qn 2.. then sleep all tha way lo... oh my god.. chao satki sia... my super ou xiang ah... like as though she not scared the engalando superlato scold her like tat... then after exam me n ah beng thinking how come she so shuai... can sleep all the way... cool..
then now toking to fabian... about school reopen stuff... die die.. ocip com die liao... school start have to pia meeting... neva meet at all during the holidays... haha... then he so funny... eh i teaching him how to get more days for hmwk k... but nvm.. he's a good boy.. cannot teach him bad stuff... so tired.. wan to go n sleep... but cannot... got hmwk to do... supposed to go n see doctor today... but lazy.. maybe evening then go.. see how first...
31/12/03
juanz juz left my house.. well she came to do homework with me.. cuz school reopening soon n we have to rush homework... plus tat time we suppose to meet up with jiemin n go sit swing n tok.. but then due to some unforeseen circumstances.. we dind la.. so tot today do homework together then can tok at the same time... i finished 3 of my 15 topic essay n she finish her econs n maths... quite a great achievement though... considering the fact tat we only started in the afternoon...
toked about alot of things.. like school politics n frenship problem... i guess the problems faced in schools are more or less the same.. cuz i also in same situation... quite a nice time toking to her though... cuz after since very long ago.. we like neva really have chance to have a proper tok... i have a sudden feeling of self pity... towards the few of us... i mean... we are juz a few ordinary 17 year old gers n we have to face these kind of complex problems... ber once said tat she dind wanted to study jc cuz she thinks jc people look very sad... n i told her.. we indeed are... i dunno y... i dun wan to feel tat way.. but unfortunately, i am...
today last day of 2003... hopefully the new year means a new start.. n all things come the good way... all the sad stuff follow the past year n get lost too... ok.. have to finish my 15 topics by tonite.. if not zhiwei cant get it bind for me... so.. happy new year to all of u la!!!