Joined the hostel tour to go to the Jin Shan Ling part of the Great Wall. The receptionist mentioned that this part of the great wall is the most treacherous but luckily, the least touristy. Went to look at several tour agencies but none is going to where we wanted to go so we decided to join the one with the hostel.
Took a 4 hour bus journey before we reach the destination of steep slopes and steps and some uncovered sides of the wall. There are plenty of locals acting like they are treking with you but in actual fact, they may have acted as your tour guide without you knowing and charge you for something at the end of the day or attempt to sell you some momentos.
While walking along the wall, fear overwhelms me especially when strong wind blows. It is not really the steepness but rather, being blown away nu the wind that I was afraid off. And it so doesnt make it better that I have something up in my mind that hindered me from moving faster to meet the timeline given by the tour guide.
Again, his walking speed and my 'unfounded' fear reminded me that I'm a burden to delaying his glorifying conquer of the Great Wall.
Initially, I would very much like to complete the hike on the entire Jin Shan Ling with him. I'm not sure whether it was a proof to show that I'm up for challenge or just to share a common experience or just an act to show that I can be like him. Or maybe deep down, its still a "because he wants to do it, and I'll do it for him".
At a certain point of time, I decided that I would not be able to make it back in time if I really do the entire thing. And it's ok if I stop and dont complete it. It's not going to change anything. I dont really want to do it for him anymore. I'm too tired of doing all these for him, especially now that we wont be getting back together. And I probably rush through the whole hike that I miss out on the beautiful scenery of the place. In the end I decided to slowly walk back to the starting point and wait for the rest.
Along the way back, I thought about a lot of things and got enlightened on a lot of issues. Reflected on life, experiences, on myself and attitude towards many many things. If your partner really have you in his heart, he will no leave you behind and go on his own. Somebody who leaves you behind, is not worth it. He is not going to stop for me, and neither can I change anything. If he's so insistent in getting what he wants, there is nothing I can do. I dont really want to try anymore. I've tried hard enough for his person I've been trying so hard to be someone that he wants, to be someone that he will like. But in the end, I'm still not what he wants. Why should I bother trying so hard for somebody who doesnt love me for who I am but hope that I can become what he wants?
Its ok to let things go and walk alone. I was trying so hard to catch up with him that I failed to enjoy the beautiful scenery around me. It is only when I decided to stop and head back on my own that I start to look around you and you realise that you have always been missing the beautiful things around you because you were walking too fast. Sometimes, its good to slow down your pace and take a look at the things and people around you. The right person will not require me to work so hard to catch up. I should be able to enjoy my own pace.
其实到头来，这个人根本不适合我。我又为何要这样看不开呢？
Its ok to let things go and walk alone. I was trying so hard to catch up with him that I failed to enjoy the beautiful scenery around me. It is only when I decided to stop and head back on my own that I start to look around you and you realise that you have always been missing the beautiful things around you because you were walking too fast. Sometimes, its good to slow down your pace and take a look at the things and people around you. The right person will not require me to work so hard to catch up. I should be able to enjoy my own pace.
其实到头来，这个人根本不适合我。我又为何要这样看不开呢？
Thanks Great Wall.
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