03/05/05
kind of dind have time/chance/energy to blog for the past i dunno how many days.
1) i have no idea why, but i became the i/c of recruitment. this spells that i have tonnes of responsiblilties and yupz, im so going to be dead. i think its quite amazing how i actually became the i/c when i tot i was to become the secretary cuz i was the one taking the mins (unfortunately) and i was nominated the i/c without knowing.
2) "greatly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved" esther keep reminding me dat the whole sun nite. but i knew her intentions was to keep me happy and stop me from thinking about the occassional unpleasant stuff that happned.
have to thank zhiweiwei for all his effort, and yupz, enjoyed myself a great deal that day even though.. yupz. thanx alot.
dun be sad, dun feel bad :) im fine :) "greatly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved i am"
3) happy belated birthday to brother and angeline. was too busy to send msg to u 2 dat day. sorry. had something on the whole day la, so not very free ah.
4) sweat and tear gland kind of active recently. sweat alot, and tear easily i must say. was talking to huiting today about something very stupid that i did and ya, she made me cry la. nothing much. mention for the sake of mentioning to make up for the past neva blog days.
5) i stupidly turned down a quite good offer that some of my frens wanted. huiting gave me a good scolding *not literally cuz she cant bear to, but more or less la*, and juanz, she dind say much. have yet to tell anybody else among my frens. ken advised me to go back and consider again and not turn it down so fast, cuz it concerns a good $80k at least. i dunno... let me consider it thoroughly again.
04/05/05
kind of tired today, so dun feel like doing my mins and proposal as yet.
proposal has been delayed for abt 1 week, and my mins... 2 days. but all have to be done by friday meeting. this means that i only have thursday to spare for both. dats bad. but i really dun feel like doing it.
upon huili's mention of sunday's thingy.
was great to have my darlings around, great to see ivan even for that less than 1 min, but humans will neva be satisfied with wat they have.
yanhui, huili and beng, i guess were the few that i really wanted them to be present.
and i really tot i can talk to ivan a little longer.
i wonder how things will turn out if the 3 of them could make it. can only make things better or worse, but neva the same.
conclusion, i neva get to spend time with them. but i dind blame anyone, but myself. one thing for sure, im really fine.
dun feel bad, really. its nt
perhaps if zhiweiwei had managed to get the ideal person(X) dat he wanted to invite to come, X cud have protected me from all. X always noe how to protect me from all lurking dangers :)
was telling juanx yday on the phone, i dun feel like working anymore. kind of beginning to hate working. not because of the load, the stress, then envt or the lifestyle.
but i just wan to spend the time solely on my igap. to make a really good project out of it.
i dun even feel like going to school when school starts, i juz wan to spend my time solely on igap. dats wat i wan, for the moment.
Happy birthday to my Daddy!
05/05/05
Happy birthday to Linda!!!
i have a big problem. i totally have to idea how to get my budget list done, needless to say send it out within 1 hr.
tonnes to do tonight.
budget list for programmedraft proposal for gala dinnerdraft invitation letter to corp guests and ministermins for first recruitment meetingedit previous gala dinner minsreply some frenster msgbleah.. but i have no mood to do all the igap stuff. urgent somemore. die-ed. tonite no sleep for me liao. but im very tired. see la, delay work for so many days la... serve me rite bleah...
06/05/05
count me irresponsible, but i dun wan to do all my stuff le. brain not on form to do all the thinking and stuff. but haha, i did 1 out of 5 things, replied somebody. fastest possible task without having to complain while doing. anyway serene extended my due time for the budget. so i got all the way until sat for my budget list to be out. sebast happily pity me for baing to deal with the proposal and letter, so he also extended until monday. yeah!!! but my mins.. oh great. since my next meeting is set on 13/05, i dun think it matter also rite. keke. lazy bum finding excuses. round things up=irresponsible.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to alot of people today.
ma'am melissamy junior,yuchingmeedwin chengbao bei's motherany idea how i can get back edwin's hp no? i lost it together with me hp leh. knew that i wun be back in time before 12 midnite.
07/05/05
unpleasant things happen to make u appreciate and treasure the good ones :)
thanx alot to all the iGap people :)
somebody reminded me that last year, the cip team actually got the AJC choir to sing birthday song for me in school, haha. nice one. but yupz, thanx alot to the cip team last year again :)
alot of ppl to thank:
for all the phone calls - zhiwei, fushan, joshua, ting, igap lisi
for all the msg - jester, benghao, angeline, yulin, esther, changzhi, ma'am melissa, zhiwei, jiemin, alvin (S4 one), brother, igap sebastian, chileong, huili, nurul, madeline, meiyan, juan, joyce, edwin cheng, yichuan, weiee, yanxing, anthony, QH, yiqin, fabian (sister), fabian low, kc, yongdai *according to time, since last week*
for all the personal wishes- yingshuang, irene han, irene ow, joyce neo, mavis, neo aik cheng, ken, all the iGAP people
for all the presents - zhiwei and esther, mark (zhiwei's army fren), peishan, CS, angeline and joyce and jiajia and chris, yingshuang and irene han, mark (log head), fushan and the cip team, igap sebastian
special mentions: tk gang give de jigsaw puzzle. cuz puay yee also got share to put it together.
ok, dats about all for my birthday.
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happily laughing to myself when i was reading somebody's blog.
haha, dun worry, its nt one-sided thinking, it was indeed a very enjoyable session. i also cant bear to leave dat "breakfast/tea session" too :)
08/05/05
juz came back from movie. nice show to watch 'kingdom of heaven'
have to think deep to really learn the lessons, but ya, worth the money, at least to me.
nice company to watch movie too :) thanx for the present
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happy birthday to yichuan!!!! haha, my chuan ge ge... haha...
15.05.05
zhiweiwei wanted me to see this.
"Here's some highlights from my separate conversation with mark and esther. Oh ya.. hahaz. my conversation with esther was damn long. From 9 odd to 12.30am.
Z.W : Why would u wan to touch a cactus when you know that it hurts?
Mark: Becoz you are the one who wants to touch it.
Z.W : No... i just want to admire it from far. This is different from wanting to touch it.
Esther: But your hands are so near the cactus while u admire it from far
Z.W: Ya i am. But, i just wanna water it.
sther: BUT CACTUS DUN NEED THAT MUCH WATER, ZHIWEI."
weird, esther baby dind tell him he talked to zhiweiwei. but nt like she is oblige to tell me anyway.
i dunno if my thoughts are in the correct direction, but i seem to get some meaning (underlying) meaning from wat i see/understand.
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was talking to esther baby from 8 plus to now... 1125, am still talking to her but she got sec call coming in, so waiting for her. felt definitely alot better after talking. she really my angel :)
she made me determined to put down certain things, and really encouraged me alot. nice. never look back, dats wat she said. and ya, will always remember dat im 'greatly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved" :) - 1128pm
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after breakup, 2 person cant be friends because they once hurt each other.
after breakup, 2 person cant be enemies because they once love each other.
wat will become of them is that they'll be the most familiar strangers on the streets.
16/05/05
just put down the phone. few hours talk keep me away from the com and yupz, felt the pressure of igap.
dun undermine the few hours. realised dat am rushing for time and ya, the irresponsible ic acts again and ya, lots to do with little time. few problems encountered:
have yet to check out the teachers in charge for AJ/CJ and have to send it out by mon morning. *have to delay to tues morning i guess*forgot dat igap ppl going for big walk on coming sun, which means all our recruitment plans have to rush on mon alot. died.have yet to read thru the proposal and letter cover for schools and yup. died againcreate new email acct for igap recruitment have yet to be done. died again and again. my great member serene have pointed out dat i shudnt be doing all the things alone but yup, i am doing all now. except dat sze teck and huimin have done their part in the proposal and letter cover, basically, none have offerred to help. act cud have assigned to da ge ge since he said i can, but i dunno wat i can ask him to do. I NEED A PA (PERSONAL ASSISTANT)!!! but nobody wants to take up bcuz they all got alot of other portfolio liaoz... recruitment how?------------------------------------------------------am very disappointed by my beloved pok beng hao. i think u owe me an explanation.
20/05/05
*all dat is going to be mention, is only meant for jiemin, zhiwei, huili and my beloved darlings*
Have you ever
Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go
Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go
I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see
Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go
was reading min's blog after weeks or even months. sorry i wasnt caring enough for my friends. sorri huili, i haven been reading ur blog since months ago when my com died. dun have ur website anymore. as much as i tot i am preoccupied with my igap, i was wrong. igap is just something for me to make myself busy with so that i wun think of something else.
'u noe dat u dun have to be so defensive all the time. u can afford to be vulnerable, at least in front of me'
dats wat gers always fall for. least dat wat happened isnt it? even if the lifespan of this phrase last for a very short while. im nt going to fall for dat anymore, cuz now.. i said it.
im always so defensive all the time, be it in school or when im with my friends. be it defensive for myself or for my friends. i admit dat i've always been putting up a false front, to be strong. seriously speaking, even when im with ting or juanz, not to mention anybody else. they are like the only people closest to me on earth. but dats becuz i dun wan to allow anybody to have any chance of hurting me. but in the end...
can only throw away all my defensive tools when im with my bao bei.
recent conversation with zhiwei really made me think alot. blessing in disguise, zhiwei was quite stunned dat i suddenly improve so much. like suddenly promoted to his enlightened level. oh wow. wateva it is, im quite stun also. jeraldine grow up le wor.
its bcuz.. i said this. "last time i love somebody, i wan to keep him by my side. but now, i noe i still love him, but i dun wan him by my side anymore"
dun sound like wat the usual jeraldine will say, but yup. i said dat. and i mean it.
"love is blind. min, i hope our vision can be clearer"
definitely going to be happier. no worries :)
used to always cry when i hear 'jie shou'. but now, yupz, 'jie shou' already, and neva cry anymore when i hear it again.
*any question, K.I.V until we talk again. for min's case, probably email will be the best way to communicate.*
21/05/05
all quoted from zhiweiwei's blog:
"Jera, u deserve some compliments though u shocked me today. I am not sure whether that's a tactical move. But be rest assured that no matter what happends, this short mountain will be here :)" - me show great appreciation. thanx lots :)
"Just remember something bout yesterday. I had three calls - SZ, Jera and Jos. Lights off was like 2200 . so insufficient time to talk to them. My bunk mates called me mr popular for that. As if. Showed them my college photo and jera was crowned the prettiest gal. And for me, this is what's been gathered." - me say i also got no time to talk cuz i was practically calling u, CZ and JS all the same days. and i say UR FRENS GOT NO TASTE!!!!
"To two person i am concerned at the moment:Jera - Glad that u progressed SUPERB-LY.
SZ - All the best. Glad that u still wanna acompany me this sat sia. DONT LET THAT GUY OFF!"- no comments
VERY LAZY TO DO MY MINS!!!! but i owe sebast his mins very long le.... like since 2 of may? my god.. i dun wan to do mins.... ah!!!! i beg him to extend due time to tmr... but i really lazy... and his stupid meeting mins damn long. not like my meeting, short and precise and good. *eh dun BHB la!!!*
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did i mention before dat my beloved's mother herbal tea very nice?
rmb once i went my beloved's house for no reason. then got herbal tea. so i asked if its bitter or sweet one. then aunty say where got herbal tea is bitter de...
my answer: got lo... my mum's. bleah.
i suddenly wan to drink her herbal tea!!!
26/05/05
smart enough today. in case i forgot what i wan to say, i actually take note of it in office before i forget.
eugene (office attach student) was emailing me on tues "xiao jie calm down man... can hear the tiredness in ur voice... u really need a break" gosh... guess the accumulated tiredness really got me.happy birthday to huimin. 25 may. but i dind get to come online yday nite.hum.. got some problem somewhere la. CZ noes about it, was discussing with him over the phone dat day. hum... dunno how to answer.stupid damon made me look like an idiot turning in circles at raffles place. suddenly called me and ask me if im going home. ma chiam stalk me like dat. in the end is actually he saw he when i was walking to meet juanz. bleah, stupid damon.tuitioning my cuzzie all this while.. and haha. she did very well for her exams!!! so proud of her. met up with juanz yday and haha, usual interesting topics covered. but she suddenly said something. "im quite worried/concern/ about ur future. i wonder who will be ur future bf. will it be a surprise, or somebody dat is worth all the waiting?" im like.. bleah. not this. i dun wan to talk abt this topic for the time being. apparently my office table is in a mess now dat even neo is very fascinated by it. like stacks of papers and files piling up ever since last week. great. managed to clear 2 stacks yday but it was piled up again today. its not dat i got alot of work u noe, its just there for some reason. occupy space.got injured even before i started cycling on monday. went pasir ris cycling with the vj band people. hum.... why them? i dunno. but fun la. and some people still laugh at me some more, so irritating ah. cuz an idiot decided to talk to me when i just got on the bike when i was on the corridor outside my house la. wasnt looking which was i was going and ya, bang into the railing and hurt my little finger. still laugh at me somemore. bleah. but he also nothing better la, also fell down somewhere near my house. see la, retribution for laughing at me.went out with yi qin and esther baby on sunday. interesting, fun, but my experiment failed. i realise its not something dat can be tested. so me and juan de hypothesis testing rejected. but ya, nice to have a better impression of yi qin, and his impression of me changed for the better too :) all thanx to my esther baby :)igap fundraising meeting is so funny. or maybe its just the quarreling part la. not lieterally quarrel, but i was arguing with sebast all the way. chao fun. and think joyce and seren is going crazy with all my weird theories. but they seem to pretty much enjoy and truth behind all my weird theories though. and they all definitely made sense. :)once again, wasnt supposed to be home today cuz i got a concert to attend. nobody's going with me, but i dind go becuz of dat. had to tuition my cuzzie dats y. felt so guilty, so bad, dat i dind attend bao bei's last concert. i noe she really wanted me to go very badly. so sorry bao bei, i swear i will make up ok. next time i'll do wateva u wan me to, i swear, promise, wateva. and ya, huiting also. she also grumbling why i neva go. died. 1 concert made 2 person to upset. im so so so sorry. neva felt any worst. pay back next time. summarised everything. even if it sounds super not updated or messy, not going to care. not like i got alot of time to update also. its not like im very busy either. im just lazy. i wan to sleep. 12. additional point to note. just received jiemin's letter. feel great :) even though ya, agree that its extremely ramdom and no link. but its nice. will reply u.. but maybe thru email la. or maybe i'll reply thru mail after all. but i just cant wait to receive something from u again. love u load and loads!
27/05/05
have to sleep super early today. decided dat i shudnt sleep later than 2300 today. no excuses.
'so near... yet so far' story (tagline for igap dinner)
ALL THANX TO ME (:
but i bet this is better than sebast 'dou jiang you tiao'.
inspiration came from jiemin's ex blogskin (the jet plane one) and the glass door at funan food court.
but i really find it cool. and applicable.
we're almost there, almost able to help, but we lack the funds. so near yet so far.we standing almost beside u, the glass between separates us. so near yet so far.dunno if it make sense to u all, so long the team gets it. cool.counting down to end of work. i need a rest. and oh, im going on a holiday in july (before sch starts). haven consulted my mummy yet. lets pray hard she allow me to go by myself k.
29/05/05
dind realised i kinda made somebody upset over something ive said. probably said it without using my brain again, well, dats wat always happen.
closest frens and darkest secrets. i, too, used to think dat they shud go together. some theory about how i shud always appear to be a piece of white paper and everything about me shud be written in white and black, presented in front of my closest frens. in fact, i apply the same theory to all my other frens, not exclusive only to those closest to me.
but then again, i soon enough realise that there shud be certain degree of defence, despite the thing about transparency. forgot exactly when ive learn to bahave this way, but somebody taught me to learn how to protect myself. as it always appear to be, even the closest fren can hurt u someday, somehow. the certain level of defence, is just to ensure dat the level of hurt wud not be so high.
look at it from a different point of view. as much as u are very interested to tell somebody wat happened/ how u feel, they may not be interested to know. why waste ur effort and bore somebody else? u may end up being the irritating one ard.
example 1, say u and ur best fren fall in love with the same guy. knowing that, will u tell ur best fren abt it? of cuz not!
example 2, say u noe ur bf will be jealous if u keep mentioning abt other guys, will u continue saying about wat happen between u and the rest? of cuz not!
agree dat its abt telling them wat ur frens shud noe/interested to noe. but not telling them about every other thing else does nt mean dat u dun trust them. its a diff concept altogether my dear, dun mix them up (:
anyway, by telling them abt anything, it goes to show dat im treating them as my fren. if i dun consider them as fren, i wun even be bothered to say anything at all. seriously, i dun think there will be a 100% understanding fren. a more than 70% will be more than enough.
95% understanding fren, i do have 1. the only ard dat i meet at most 3 times a year, my bao bei.
90%, that will be huiting, juanz, zhiwei, esther baby. at least dats the only few dat i can recall for now.
dun worry too much, u belong to the 80%. (probably cuz of the recent phone calls)
huili got slight drop, cuz i haven catch up with her for a long time. haven update her alot.
get wat i mean, diff people have diff percentage which changes as time pass.
bao bei can always maintain the high %, dats amazing. esp when i see her less than 2 times a year. but dats cuz we got high telepathy skills ard. trust me, nobody will believe it. we can most read each other's mind. its abt how we can meet once a year but yet, we still noe wats going on to each other. she dun read my blog, and i dun read her blog too. we dun have any common frens at all to update us abt each other, but we just noe. something abt how we can sense wats happening. its weird, but we really do.
if she is a guy, confirm get together one. dun need to ask, but too bad she isnt. so she can only be my bao bei.
30.05.05
chao tired. dun bother asking me wat i did again this time, cuz.. i did nothing. but just got tired. shaoquan very irritating... having holidays now then start tempting me. msg me during lunch time today ask me wan to go watch movie anot. wah!!! like not too much k. have to work leh. black eye peas = 'hei yan dou dou' (in chinese) so cute!!!!met up with juanz again today. totally planned last min. so sorry dat i made her wait 2 hrs for me. i dind wanted it too. it was last min (free) OT. i waited 2 hrs in the office too. just to assign 1 stupid container to taiwan. wait me and juanz's time. talking about alot of stuff as usual. from school, courses, jobs, future, and always something philosophical to end the day. 'moments of sadness is to enhance the beauty of that 1 moment of happiness'dind felt too good after i heard/saw something. it was just a normal documentary program. but it sudden gave me a weird feeling. cant explain why/wat the feeling was about. just felt weird. hum... walking home as usual. walked/siam-ed gangs of people beneath my blk. and suddenly felt... u were neva there for me when i needed u most. its always.. 'i need u now, but where are u?' kind of thing. felt it again just now, but i noe i'll neva have u by my side again.
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