finally, game over.

last day of funeral, sent the coffin to mandai for cremation, went to the temple to settle the urn, come back to settle the misc stuff, finally back home to bathe.

final battle: i lost. cried when they were chanting in front of the coffin, when the coffin went into the crematorium, when i saw my dad cry. i always tot i can take it very lightly since it was an expected case of death and she wasnt very close to us anyway. but somehow, it just happened when the time comes. tears can just easily flow down your cheeks and there u go. i never seen my dad cry before. he was, to me, a very strong (physically and mentally) man, who can take things as they come, face and settle them as easy as it seems (even though things are really tough at times). the moment i saw him cry, i know he felt really very devastated. it wasnt just a few tears trickling down, he literally buried his face into the palms. he was crying like, how i would usually cry. at that moment, i really admire my dad. i cant imagine how badly affected he was, the thought of losing your mum, seeing her being sent in for the cremation. to think that he actually was able to maintain his cool and doing all the stuff that he did during the wake, i really think he's good. i think its good that he's been kept busy with all the misc work that has to be done, and of cuz, scolding us when we ocassionally spout some senseless things that make us sound like idiot. the moment i see him cry, i really feel like giving him a big hug, but i just quietly move and stood beside him.

49 days without clothes of any colour except black, white, blue. great, almost all my clothes have the colours that are unaceptable. even if white or black based, they still have colours mixed. officially, im only left with 4 skirts, 2 jeans and 7 tops (super skimpykind) that is qualified. dats like not going to be enough cuz i cant be wearing so skimpy all the time. even my home clothes are limited to pass around the 49 days.

qinhong came to find me yday. and finally my aunts stop asking me where's my bf. but they did again today. we got scolded by my mom for eating the catered food, cuz in case its not enough for the guests. luckily in the end got extra, if not confirm get scolded second round. i think he's kinda sad that i cant spend time with him these few days cuz i have to be at the wake, but least he understand that i have to be there. i think he got marks deduction from my family cuz he wasnt there, but well, at least i know he wud be too bored there since he wun have anything to do...

i think my dad will be quite sad for this period, so kinda worried for him.
entire family worn out by this afternoon, few of my sisters came back and concuss on the bed the moment we finish bathing. not to mention my dad, who haven been sleeping much these few days... mom say we cant lie on the bed before bathing cuz we 'song ka'. im tired too, but i volunteered to run some errands for my mom cuz she's quite tired too. am tired, but i guess i need some time of peace... good that im taking a walk to my aunt's house to delivery some stuff.

gotta go...